


Beautiful Day

by beautifullyheeled



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Possible Cannon Divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 20:29:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5178566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifullyheeled/pseuds/beautifullyheeled





	Beautiful Day

They made their way to the living room, Steve pulling at his tie, obviously done with it all. The last thread of their past gone. A concrete sarcophagus and rain drenched earth this side of the Atlantic, close to where she loved most, her husband by her side was her final place of rest. Couldn't argue that. The whole thing had been as it should, full honors for service, all the understated stateliness- moments of perfection, something he thought only glittery starlets and silver screens could produce. Who knew her funeral would feel just like that. 

Bucky was watching him. He knew; Steve had glossed over some of it. Didn't help what he was feeling in his chest at the moment. So much time- just lost. Gone. 

"She had that red lipstick, that smile. Made you want to do anything she asked. God, she was all control all of the time." Steve nodded in thanks at the tumbler that was forced in his hand. Downed it in one go. "Her legs, the stockings, you know, it confused me at first. The feel of them. She laughed. Did I ever tell you that? _Adorable_ , that's what she'd said. I just, I wasn't ready for this Buck. I'm not. It's like a, like all that, that's still all there, in the ice with that- that me. That Steve. But the weight is here, with _me_."

The glass ticked quietly against the coffee table as Steve set it down, the only real sound beyond their breathing that filled the space. It was too quiet. Even the rain was soft; mournful. He would have preferred it pelting the the windows in a deep staccato. It would feel better that way. Storm and gust and whipping wind to carry it. Something to match his mood. Pouring himself a second from the runed flask Bucky had sat between them, he swallowed it just as fast as the first then closed the lid on the thing. He wanted to feel the warmth burn everything away, not drown the sorrow out. Two different things entirely.

“The first time she touched me was by accident in front of everyone, it was right after- and then all hell broke loose. It was awhile before we fell together, back here actually, in Brooklyn, but you probably knew that, right? I mean, I loved her, but I loved you, just as much. Maybe more, I could see spending the rest of our lives, close, you know. If you hadn’t told me then- I just assumed that we’d live next door, our kids play together, go to ball games. I’m not ashamed I loved her, while loving you. That I still love her, some. In that other life, that’s frozen away. When you died, Buck, I just- and after we’d _been __together. Promised. All that. Fuck, baby, do you even know how much I missed you? This? This brings it all back.”_

He felt Bucky’s hand over his, then the warmth of him as the cushions sank and shifted to accommodate his weight against them; their weight really. “Stevie, I’m not mad. Never was. Love is love. You gotta chase it, right?”

“Not anymore.” His hands moved over the wool slacks that covered Bucky’s thighs, the texture slightly rough under his palms as they skimmed to his waist and pulled Bucky closer. “I’ve got the love of my life, this life, my whole life, right here.”


End file.
